Death and Grief

By Christina Lacey
I found it very difficult to post this weekend due to the fact that a family friends 16 year old son passed away unexpectedly. It was a shock to everyone. How does a family get through that? It has really brought me to think a lot about my own family, of course, but of those families that could come to counseling

One thing then I know & trust, based on experience is the power of group therapy. Sharing your story with others repeatedly is extremely helpful for you and others in the group. As I had heard through a grief and bereavement group that I attended, the facilitator shared that here in the US we do not talk about death. In other countries they may wear black, or an armband signifying that they have had a loss. People will come up to them and ask them about this person and they will have the opportunity to share. Here we never know what to say and many times can say the wrong thing. So the process of group therapy that deals with grief has shown to be very beneficial to those dealing with the loss of a loved one.

What do we say? Approaching someone who is vulnerable can make you feel vulnerable as well, and during those times we may not be thinking clearly. A simple I'm sorry is enough, hold their hand, give them a hug. I've heard numerous times that those that have recently lost someone get very angry and upset when someone comes up to them and says that their loved one is "in a better place". At this point the person who lost someone is feeling selfish and wants the person who died to be with them, not "in a better place", but alive. So saying this is not helpful to them. Or saying the god needed another angel. Again that person wants their loved one with them. A simple I'm sorry, a hug, and to offer to be there for them when they need something is enough.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I see individuals and couples mostly. I enjoy working with my clients and learning about them and how they can be better as an individual and also to others around them.

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