A Family Therapists Point of View

Are you someone who loves the changing leaves but hates the darker evenings and shorter days? The shorter days can bring on sadness for some and depression for others. Seasonal affective disorder can be brought on by shorter days, cloudy days and coldness. This sadness or depression  comes on every year at the same time and can go away same time each year. People can really struggle getting out of bed and being motivated and they may think but that is normal because "everybody is like that in fall or winter". According to the Mayo Clinic's website there are several types of seasonal affective disorder. Here is what I found. "In most cases, seasonal affective disorder symptoms appear during late fall or early winter and go away during the sunnier days of spring and summer. Less commonly, people with the opposite pattern have symptoms that begin in spring or summer. In either case, symptoms may start out mild and become more severe as the season progresses. Sign

Personal accountability has been on my mind a lot lately. What I mean by it is, being accountable for our own actions, what we do and what we say.  It seems as if that has dwindled a bit lately.  How do we practice personal accountability in our own lives? The first thing that comes to mind is to admit when you do something, good or bad. Yes, even when we have done wrong, made a mistake, or was not able to do something we said we could. Admit your defeat. Admit your lack of knowledge. Admit when you are wrong. When you say you're sorry mean it. Reflect on it and learn from it. Just saying sorry can be seen as insincere if it is not sincere. People can tell by your actions, your voice or body language. The way that we learn and begin to change is by reflecting on it. Looking into ourselves and discovering who we are. Do you like what you see? People will appreciate it. Please share how you address personal accountability.  How do others respond to you when you are acco

As a therapist and a mother, adjustments are never really easy, especially if they are difficult, such as a move to a new state or moving away to college. They have termed this 'homesickness'. Someone who does not know what it means or a translation could see it as sick of home. But in reality it is the saddness and anxiety we may feel when we are away from home and missing what is comfortable to us. People in general do not like change but change is part of our lives. How can we deal with it or make it more manageable? This can be tough. One thing we can do is to set up a new routine. Some colleges and even assisted living and nursing homes have the newcomers create a schedule that is visible to them so they can have something to look forward to and help stay on target.   Another thing is to make your new home your home. Have those things around you that make you feel good and bring you comfort. Pictures of friends and notes can be something that you have to look back on

People always talk about motivation and that either they have it or they don't. What is it? The online dictionary says motivation is the reason or reasons one has for acting in a particular way. The second notation states that it is the general desire or willingness to do something. So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be motivated? If it's a reason to act a particular way what does that have to do with being motivated to diet or study? It seems it is just a word that we have attached to these types of situations. Either way, how do we develop the drive to want to be better, to be thinner, to be stronger, or smarter? Similar to so many other things we need to have a positive attitude. A positive attitude is very powerful not only for ourselves but for those around us. When we think of something that we want and we attach positivity to it it seems more reachable. Negative thoughts and attitude actually can turn into feelings of hopelessness or impossibility.

Everyone at times find themselves lost in their life, feeling disconnected. Too much going on, busy schedules can distract us from our routine and we end up overlooking or missing plans. This can cause anxiety. What can we do to keep sane?? As we have talked about before, we have to take a moment for ourselves to regroup. Create a schedule, updating it when needed. Remember if we are not healthy ourselves we cannot do for anyone else.  Get a good night sleep. Eat well. Ask for help.

It has been a while since my last entry. I had thought of it often,  but may not have been in a place to share. So this becomes a lesson to myself, of course!!  Even though we may not do everything we need or want to do, if we keep it in our minds as a priority, eventually it will happen. This not only goes for hobbies or projects but our life in general. You may have dreamed as a kid to be a firefighter and 30 years later that still interests you. What's stopping you? There is a way to make it happen. You may make less money for a time, or not have the free time you're used to. Isn't that what we tell our kids...            You can be whatever you want!            Don't let anything get in you way                 of reaching for your goals!

Have you ever really thought about the impact you have on the people and world around you? Stop and think for a moment. if you weren't here, or born, what would be different? If you died tomorrow who would be effected? If you talk badly about someone else, the impact on them? It is amazing to think me, little ol' me, can make such change, good or bad. If we each recognized the impact we have could you imagine how that could change things???

Many people see depression as sadness. Depression can show itself in a variety of ways; lack of motivation, worry, loneliness, pain, lack of appetite or over eating. It can affect others around you in ways that you may not realize. Those people around you may not know how to act or help. What can you do to help someone who is depressed. Share with them that they can express themselves in writing, recommend sticking to a schedule, have them stay involved, include them, let them know the importance of a good night's sleep. These things are easier said than done.  With their lack of motivation having them get involved can be difficult. How can you help them? Being creative and expressing oneself were among the most helpful strategies for people. Music and writing were the main sources of comfort, excitement, “offloading” or relaxation for many. Be there for them. Encourage them to talk, includingto a therapist.

We are taught by our professors how important self care is to be able to maintain balance and wellness. This is something that we often forget about. We get so caught up in life, activities, getting the kids here or there, etc., that we forget to take care of ourselves. I remind my clients, in order to take care of others you have to be well. For some this could mean that if you were sick or not able to do your normal routine , others are directly affected by that and can cause them difficulties. This is the story for mothers, fathers and any other caregivers that are relied upon. So what is self care? It doesn't mean going to the hairdresser or getting your monthly massage and nails done. It can mean something as simple as taking 10 minutes to do something just for yourself and not think about the duties that are expected of you, or the terrible day that you just had. Take 15 minutes sit in a quiet relaxing spot and just listen to the birds or silence and breathe. Relax your sho

When I began this blog I named it "Why therapy?" People ask themselves, why go to talk to someone that they don't know, how can they help me? It's not that you're talking to a stranger. You're talking with a trained professional that is looking at your situation differently then a family member or friend can. As a marriage and family therapist we look at the entire picture, all factors, that contribute to an individual and their situation. As an individual we may not realize the things that may be contributing to our anxiety, or our sadness, such as changes in life, whether they be a death in the family, change of job, tension in the household, or even something that could have happened many years ago. We influence those around us and they influence us as well, which can contribute to our situation. So why therapy? The time with a counselor provides you and your family a time to express your feelings, frustrations and things you may not be able to stay at

I found it very difficult to post this weekend due to the fact that a family friends 16 year old son passed away unexpectedly. It was a shock to everyone. How does a family get through that? It has really brought me to think a lot about my own family, of course, but of those families that could come to counseling One thing then I know & trust, based on experience is the power of group therapy. Sharing your story with others repeatedly is extremely helpful for you and others in the group. As I had heard through a grief and bereavement group that I attended, the facilitator shared that here in the US we do not talk about death. In other countries they may wear black, or an armband signifying that they have had a loss. People will come up to them and ask them about this person and they will have the opportunity to share. Here we never know what to say and many times can say the wrong thing. So the process of group therapy that deals with grief has shown to be very beneficial to thos

For me, the goal of therapy is to promote a therapeutic dialogue with the client, transformational talk to shift their meaning and provide a "sense of freedom" (Gehart & Tuttle; Anderson, 1997, p. 109). Through conversation and hearing a clients story and the clients strengths. A collaborative therapist is open and shares with their clients their thoughts about what they think about the client and their diagnosis (Gehart & Tuttle, 2003). As clients and therapists talk, they find what has not been said. A therapist is curious and not knowing they are assessing and allows them to explore new understandings of their situations ( (Gehart & Tuttle, 2003). Diagnosis includes identifying the problem and through external dialogue and maintenance of that dialogue. A client will assess various areas of themselves through this conversation and be able to find new possibilities in understanding. Gehart, D., & Tuttle, A. (2003). Theory-based treatment planning for marri

Children look to their parents for guidance and actually need discipline. I remember reading one time how children misbehave looking for attention and actually are questioning what the boundaries and limitations are within the family. If a child is not given these boundaries and limitations they do not know what is expected of them and cannot be blamed for their misbehavior. Clients can come in wondering why their child is mean or acting out. This child is looking for what their parent needs to provide them such as values, respect and responsibilities. They do not know unless they're told what is expected of them. A child who refuses to do what is asked of them is not necessarily at fault if the parent has not taught them the rules of the home or provided them with expectations. A child who has been given too many choices, as a parent is trying to please them or make life easier, has now become the decision maker and will fight or argue when the decision is not theirs. This is

As a new marriage and family therapist nearing graduation, I do not question why I chose to begin this career. Since I began there was always one thing that stayed with me and that was how easily a family can fall apart when people are not talking with each other and sharing. I have seen this in my own family, and it can be devastating. Not only for those individuals immediately in the turmoil, but for those within the family that many may not realize. I am not a young woman fresh out of undergrad and graduate school, but a 40 something wife, mother, and child. I feel that with this experience alone is a step to understanding others. I would like to introduce myself to the Rochester Community and those seeking someone to talk with when they feel stuck or lonely or even confused. I meet with couples, families, individuals and can be contacted through my email, chris@chrislaceyfamilytherapy.com Additional information can be found at https://www.psychologytoday.com with a simple search