A Family Therapists Point of View

What do you do when you have a big decision on your plate? How do you make the right choice? Pros and cons lists. Ok. Talking it out seriously with your partner. Ok. But what if you're really stuck? I'm interested to hear how others work through these situations.  Please share.

For many of these posts I use my own experiences. I, like many others, create expectations that can be unrealistic. I am then disappointed. Why do we do this to ourselves? Our children have expectations of how things could be, having a great action packed summer, only to find mom and/or dad have to work and they are stuck at home or with a sitter. We expect a trip to be so wonderful but it rains, there are delays getting there. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is our expectation based on perception or our perception based on our expectations?  Perception, according to thefreedictionary.co m, is " the representation of what is   perceived ; basic component in the formation of a concept. percept, perceptual experience. internal representation, mental representation, representation - a presentation to the mind in the form of an idea or image".  What? Is this saying that we create an image in our mind that we internalize as the truth?  So should we create our expectation of an

Providing good care? What do I mean? In regards to? Well for me it is providing good care to my clients and my family. But how do I know what good care looks like? I guess for me it would be how I feel a client responds to our appointment. It would also be how I feel the appointment went. Am I comfortable with the conversation? Did a question cause a change in behavior?  Did my behavior change after our conversation? So many questions I could ask myself.                                                                                                           Questions. Always asking questions. I feel that if you don't ask questions you will never know. . . .Know how someone is feeling. Know what someone thinks about something. To go through life without asking questions leaves you empty,  even ignorant. How could I be a good counselor if I didn't ask questions. I feel that would make me a bad counselor. It would make me a bad friend, daughter, wife.  Providing good care mea

In one of the groups that I facilitate, we talked about fear.  We approached it similarly as we would anxiety since anxiety is a component of fear. Merriam-Webster.com says that fear  in "the most general term and implies anxiety and usually loss of courage". Ok, I understand that, fear of the unknown, dread.   Psychologytoday.com says, when I google 'fear', is ".. f ear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger; it has strong roots in human evolution. If people didn’t feel fear, they couldn’t protect themselves from legitimate threats, which in the ancestral world frequently resulted in life-or-death consequences. In the modern world, individuals often fear situations where the stakes are much lower, but their body and brain still treat the threat as lethal". Ok, this makes even more sense to me, as in relation to fight or flight responses. Protecting ourselves in both definitions. I asked the group that I was facilitating their idea of fear

Last post I wrote about "Enjoying every moment".  How true.  Now that the weather is better, we have the opportunity to put this to action. People usually plan their family trips for the summer months, vacations and camping. It seems as if many times families make these plans because that's what other people do, not for the pure enjoyment. All the planning, booking, packing, etc adds stress that we, most likely, should be getting away from. Time schedules that need to be kept to complete all the tasks, or visits to families takes the fun away. How can we make this better? We may not be able to.  But, we can make weekends a nice time to bond with family, learn about each other, spend nice time together.  Have you seen the commercial with the little girl who asks if she is cute, so why are her parents spending all weekend cleaning and not spending time with her. This is a cute reminder that is true. Children want to have their parents around. They don't really care ne

Many people rush through life with this to do and that to do. But do they stop to "smell the roses"?  Life is short they say. It's not just that. So many times we jump from one thing to another with little thought. People react without thinking. This can lead to mistakes, but also can lead to missed opportunities.  Slow down! When was the last time you just sat and watched a dog run and play without distraction?  Laid in the grass and watched the clouds pass by? Enjoyed a long walk with someone special? If is fast and hard enough. People are anxious from it all. Take some time for yourself and slow down. Your body and mind will thank you!

Being a marriage and family therapist, this is something that is thought of often. Family can include anyone who means a great deal to another, who is supportive of that person, who you want to share your time with. This can mean actual family through blood, family that you created through friends, and sometimes we include our pets. We may not always like the family that we are born into, or we may not be given a chance to create a connection with our blood family. Some people may choose to have a family that they created as they may be far away from their blood family. Many many people think of their pet as family as they create a loving non-judgmental and happy environment. I think that family should be anyone who brings us joy, who supports us when we need support, backs us up when we need backing and don't judge us for our imperfections. We need to keep in mind, as they say, families come in all shapes and sizes. It is how we treat them that counts. Whether they be our true

It has been months without a blog. No excuse, just didn't happen. Now on with it! What do I mean by 'spring, a time for new'?  Trees come back to life, flowers begin to bloom, many animals give birth to their young. This can also be a time to for people to take a look at themselves and see if they are the people that they wish to be. Are we doing what we want to do, acting the way we wish to act, being good members of our communities? For me, I see our lives as opportunities to learn, adapt, make change, and help others. Otherwise why? I'm not talking religion but just being a person. As people we are driven to survive, to replace ourselves by having children, be social beings and have relationships. Yes, this is a simplistic view but a view that is manageable and something we can live with, be happy and make a difference. At one time I wondered what would make me truly happy. Yes I had my family, friends, things I enjoyed but I was still missing something.  As